self-embodiment of perfection

  it's the objective greatest day of the year--that's right the random day that I had no control over when I forced my way out of my mother and the doctor pushed me back in but I was like, okay, I'll wait for a little bit but I'm coming out angry. And yes, that was a dramatization, but a true story. I came a little bit premature, as babies often do, and the doctor wasn't ready for my mom to give labor yet. So he was like, "hold her in" (author's re-enactment) and my mom was like, "bro" and he was like "bro, people won't use that as an exclamation for another 30 years". And then the me of right now is realizing how meta this is and how sad I am.  It's my birthday, is what I'm trying to say. I have a pretty consistent routine of my birthday of getting pensive and trying to make everything about me and my birthday. It's not that I'm trying to con free stuff from corporations or gifts from my friends. It is that, but

 On threads, it might seem like I'm just being silly most of the time. What little I've shared about my dating life has probably revealed that I am nothing if not incredibly slutty for both penises and attention. This is my legacy, people. But there's a serious side to this. You don't date 3 people in the same social circle at the same time and walk away with zero casualties. Two other people are incredibly hurt by my actions. And the third, who I am currently dating (not official, but exclusive), was hurt by some of my actions earlier in the scenario. I hate that I did this and that I can't fix it. It would be so much juicier and more fun if I would just give you the deets. AS IF I WOULD BE SO VULNERABLE AND OPEN. I sure talk a lot on this platform, but most of the more personal details are concealed by choice.  Also, idk if you guys know this, but the internet is forever. It's all out there and you can't fully put the toothpaste back into the tube. Let me

Things have been chaotic, unfocused, and straight up embarrassing for the past 2 months. My dating and love life, work, physical health, mental health--all have been either neglected or incredibly affected by my actions. I'm making decisions I'm not proud of, feel unsure of who I am, and I've hurt 3 people, at least, in the process. I don't feel good right now and it's entirely my fault.  I am confused about my direction and next steps. I know things that I need to do to better myself, but I'm unable to do them. I feel disconnected from who I am and what my values are. So here's what I think I need to do; execution and implementation are another conversation: get back to therapy daily journaling work on self-esteem put my hobbies and interests first prioritize time with friends start going to the gym work on focus and attention, especially for work get back in touch with my values This is not a comprehensive list but it's a good start.  To be honest, I j