self-embodiment of perfection

Things have been chaotic, unfocused, and straight up embarrassing for the past 2 months. My dating and love life, work, physical health, mental health--all have been either neglected or incredibly affected by my actions. I'm making decisions I'm not proud of, feel unsure of who I am, and I've hurt 3 people, at least, in the process. I don't feel good right now and it's entirely my fault.  I am confused about my direction and next steps. I know things that I need to do to better myself, but I'm unable to do them. I feel disconnected from who I am and what my values are. So here's what I think I need to do; execution and implementation are another conversation: get back to therapy daily journaling work on self-esteem put my hobbies and interests first prioritize time with friends start going to the gym work on focus and attention, especially for work get back in touch with my values This is not a comprehensive list but it's a good start.  To be honest, I j

Current lock scren Current phone backround Here's some of the highlights of what I've been up to this past 7ish days. -I have a boyfriend now! His name is Corey. We are in an open relationship but I love that he's my main person. He's a nerd who is covered in tattoos related to gaming and cartoons. He has a massive game and movie collection. I met him at board game night a few weeks ago!  Neither of us have been in an open relationship but we have been clear about the parameters and I imagine we will fine-tune it from here. This was something essential to me before making us official. -Therapy is intense lately. I'm triggered a lot. I'm probably not handling it the best but I'm handling it the best way I know how. Drugs, sex, avoidance lol. I'm trying to journal, be honest in therapy, and work on my self-care activities again. -My schedule is always unbelievably full so I'm trying to add back in me time. I book my social calendar to the brim and then