What I've been up to lately

Current lock scren
Current phone backround

Here's some of the highlights of what I've been up to this past 7ish days.

-I have a boyfriend now! His name is Corey. We are in an open relationship but I love that he's my main person. He's a nerd who is covered in tattoos related to gaming and cartoons. He has a massive game and movie collection. I met him at board game night a few weeks ago! 

Neither of us have been in an open relationship but we have been clear about the parameters and I imagine we will fine-tune it from here. This was something essential to me before making us official.

-Therapy is intense lately. I'm triggered a lot. I'm probably not handling it the best but I'm handling it the best way I know how. Drugs, sex, avoidance lol. I'm trying to journal, be honest in therapy, and work on my self-care activities again.

-My schedule is always unbelievably full so I'm trying to add back in me time. I book my social calendar to the brim and then feel exhausted and overwhelmed when I have a chance to do anything for myself. I feel like I want to cram my schedule full with friends and connection and laughter so that I can drown out my own feelings. It's not a bad coping skill but since I'm generally using it to not feel things, it isn't so healthy. I need space and time to connect with myself and feelings. 

-I have had no time for anime or manga. I watch a little bit of Yu Yu Hakusho with my roommate/ex-boyfriend. But I haven't watched any of "my" anime in a hot minute. Ditto for reading Berserk.

-Since my dream for being a pilot is all but dead, I fear even flight training, even to go for another job that won't require medical clearance. I had auditory hallucinations again today and though it was much more mild than the last time, and way less scary, it was still something I could not control happening to me. I have a guess what caused it (extreme hunger) but I don't know for sure and therefore, can't guarantee, to anyone or myself, that it won't happen while flying. 

It fucking sucks to realize and pursue a dream and then just as fast have it shot the fuck down. I guess that means my career path is up for grabs. I'd really love to make some extra money now with something like OnlyFans or live streaming. But it's been slow going in that area. Maybe for now I won't pursue a whole ass career because I'll go into more debt and I really shouldn't be doing that without paying down some of my current debts.


I was gonna write some more shit and really write a lot and just you know convey words and thoughts and such. But this is all I feel like going in-depth about. 


Just know that below the surface I am totally handling everything super well and I am definitely in control and no certain mental disorders aren't getting worse why would you ask that? Damn. ha ha ha ha ha *sweating profusely*

Bye 



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