if nobody got me i know birthday shark got me

 


it's the objective greatest day of the year--that's right the random day that I had no control over when I forced my way out of my mother and the doctor pushed me back in but I was like, okay, I'll wait for a little bit but I'm coming out angry. And yes, that was a dramatization, but a true story. I came a little bit premature, as babies often do, and the doctor wasn't ready for my mom to give labor yet. So he was like, "hold her in" (author's re-enactment) and my mom was like, "bro" and he was like "bro, people won't use that as an exclamation for another 30 years". And then the me of right now is realizing how meta this is and how sad I am. 

It's my birthday, is what I'm trying to say.

I have a pretty consistent routine of my birthday of getting pensive and trying to make everything about me and my birthday. It's not that I'm trying to con free stuff from corporations or gifts from my friends. It is that, but it's also just as simple as being like, "omg, it's my birthday, too, 11-year-old girl in the mall!" Or going somewhere that I have to give my ID and feighning shyness, "like, oh yeah, it is my birthday today. Huh. What a coincidence." Then, do a hair flip, even though my hair is very short now.

That was a lot to type, I'm gonna be so real. My hands hurt. But in the tradition of being pensive, I wanted to reflect on my 35 years and what I've learned. or more specifically from 35-36.

However, I am currently running on a cumulative 56 minutes of sleep right now (i can't say for sure but there have been cat naps at absolute best) and the words ain't wording as a result. The middle of the night isn't even over yet. It's 5am! On a Sunday! That's hardly a sensible hour to be awake. I should know--I regularly had to be awake at that hour for multiple jobs in my past.

So there will be no pontificating. No attempts to draw wisdom from a wet stone, or whatever that phrase is. You know, ancient idiom that uses an expression so archaic it takes on a new meaning in the modern era. My point was going to be that I'm not going to reflect or try to seem deep and smart. I know I'm certainly capable of that. But not at 5am. Not now.

On top of that I've been sick. Two rounds of antibiotics and I thought I was finally clearing it, but this week my temperature gradually rose and I felt worse and worse. I have periods of activity, but I can't imagine I'll be out all day doing stuff. I think I caught a cold or the flu on top of the infection I had/have.

This sucks. I'll just say it.

Shit. Fuck. Damn. Asshole. Fart. Buttmunch. Piss. Goddamn. Cunt.

Sorry. That feels better. 


Because I can't celebrate on another day. No one's ever done that. I want it to go entirely my way because it's my day. I try to control everything on the 364 other days of the year, too, but I feel entitled to it on Oct 27th. 


Alright just gonna fuckin' yeet this and live with all the mistakes and poor decisions in it. Kinda like my 2024. At some point, you can't keep plugging the leaks that spring. You have to just call it a loss and buy a new ship. Just don't still be on the old one as it's going down.


omg that was a brilliant metaphor (me when I read it 11 hours later: what the fuck is any of this)

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