Dating Life Update

Like every single person under the sun who is on dating apps, I'm having a blast and everything is going according to plan! Zero complaints. Imagine if it were like that though.

Personally, I'm speaking of a gay dating app for women, called HER. I've met some cool people but most of the time they stop responding...or, I admit, I'm the one who stops responding. That can be for trivial reasons, such as me stopping responding to a trans man who was a certified gamer guy...that had never heard of No Man's Sky or Ghost of Tsushima. If you consider yourself a gamer, how have you never even heard of these titles? They're massively popular. I might also stop talking to someone if they only answer my questions with short answers and then, also, never ask me about myself. I'm very full of myself--get with the program.

There were two women in particular that I thought I was going to have a connection with. People that I started talking to off the app. Okay there's been more than two, but the focus will be on these two because they're very recent. Neither of them have worked out for me, sorry to give away the ending.

One was cute and nerdy, into engineering stuff and liked to just chat about anything. However, she wrote wiht a lot o f typos fromatted in a way atht was s uperr unapealling. She said she talked like that to sound dumb because "that's what women do." Trans woman who had recently transitioned, by the way. It gave me the ick super hard. I overlooked it though because I'm horny and she's insanely cute. She would also send a meme about being without attention if I didn't respond immediately. Like dude, do you have a job? Yes I know she did. I told her I don't always check discord. The deluge of messages calmed down. She wanted us to talk on the phone more. I was okay with this, but our convos were us just sharing shit about our day and that's not my ideal situation with someone I'm romantically and sexually interested in. I want us to show interest in each other! Ask questions! It felt like two people taking turn to talk. The childish/cutesy thing mixed with her living in KY was a tough sell anyway. But one day she sent sort of a passive aggressive message about why people distance themselves from her. She was implying I was distancing myself from her.

Keep in mind, I hadn't responded in a few days, our last conversation naturally ended and the only message between our last one and her passive aggressive one I wrote about above was literally just "a". She just sent the letter . I guess it was just to send a message of somesort. Nevermind being socially aware or doing something normal like asking how I've been or if I was okay. She had no idea what I've had going on and therefore, why I hadn't responded in several days, but that's no excuse. If anything, that should lead you to ask questions, ask how someone is doing. But I didn't bother explaining because she didn't ask. Instead I just said I don't think we're very compatible and left it at that.

The rejection that just happened was an older queer woman with a kid who is originally from NY but now lives in KY (i have since changed my match radius to be smaller). I didn't mind snapchatting back and forth and sharing stuff from our day. We would have small conversations in between. But then I found out she lives two hours away, and honestly, that's not a deterrent for me, but I need to know you can put in the effort too. She sent a long text that to me read as defensive and told me she really doesn't see when or how she's going to get out to Nashville. She's a single mom doing it all herself, etc etc. Okay I get that. 

Honestly with flight school, therapy/mental health stuff, work, and anytime for friendships, I don't have a ton of time to drive 2 hours to meet someone who acts like coming to me would be an inconvenience. 

I told her it sounded like we were incompatible then and explained I was going back to school and had my plate full as well, so I understand.

I didn't read her full paragraph response but it started with "yeah I have 2 degrees" and with me feeling her defensiveness in the last text, I felt it was going to be a message entirely about her so I didn't bother reading it.

If I were being critical of this situation as an outsider, I would wonder why I jumped to conclusions and assumed she was gonna be defensive and self-centered. I seem to assume the worst in people. While that is true and maybe I could go back and read what she said, I don't see us working out anyway because of her unwillingness to drive out here.

These potential relationships were all ended by me, even the ones I preemptively ended on the app. It's easy to feel like no one wants to really talk to you. They're just bored and half-entertaining you until something better comes along. In my dating experience, women are very selective and take their time doing it. If they find other options, they will quickly discard you. If they do like you, they will take their time getting to know you before meeting.

It's not going to stop me from trying. This is how dating is. It's a selection process. It's easy to reject someone for something small like not being talkative in text. Maybe I never really had a chance with most of them anyway. Who can say? A lot of what ifs and unknowns--that's part of why it's so frustrating and discouraging. I'm not complaining about these specific people or even the ones who don't respond to me or left me hanging--just that the whole process wears you down. It's like hunting for a job.

I'd prefer to meet women in person. It's been a bit more difficult though than I imagined. There's so much to consider--if they're single, if they're interested, if they're even into women, much less women who look like me. Men, however, are pretty easy if I want to have sex with one. I can easily get on any app and get matches. That's not a flex; it's a fact. I'm sure any woman or AFAB reading this can attest to it. But I don't want to date straight cis men. I've done that all my life. The problem is it's just so much of a process and I'm not good at being patient. So it's easy to get frustrated.

Dude I found myself flirting with my nurse today at the plasma donation center. And she was gay! But it's not like I could ask her out or get her number, even as a friend. She paused for awhile when I told her this (it's a tragedy we can't be friends even though you're so cool), and finally said, "but then I get to see you anytime you come in! And I'll be like hey, that's her! She's cool." 

God I'm so desperate and pathetic lol. 

I'll keep trying. I will keep moving forward. Eventually, something has to work out, somewhere.