Flight School Update

 I've alluded to this on Threads, but I have some medical conditions that are definitely going to disqualify me from being almost every kind of pilot except private. It's going to disqualify me because an FAA-approved medical examiner (AME) has to give me a physical and mental evaluation before giving me a first, second, or third class medical certificate (I need first class to be an airline pilot). For my specific issues, they result exclusively in either a deferral or denial. There's no scenario where I walk away from the AME approved and with a medical certificate, if I disclose those specific issues. And it looks like, from me pouring over the Guide for Aviation Medical Examiners, that having multiple issues like I do makes it more likely for it to be flat out denied. No airline pilot for me.

My original plan was to just lie because there was no real way for them to verify or dig into my past. Except I didn't realize they could take medical records from the VA--without consent from me. So if there's a discrepancy between what I put on my medical exam history and what the VA gives them, they could scrutinize me even further. 

I could just take the chance even knowing this, but I started looking into it more, and if I have any type of incident or accident, the FAA would tear me apart looking into every aspect of my life and history. And maybe I will still take the chance and just suffer the consequences if they somehow find out. I believe I am capable and competent to perform the duties of a pilot. I believe my mental and physical health is fit enough to more than satisfy the requirements.

That was until last night. Something very scary happened to me. I experienced Auditory Verbal Hallucinations, aka hearing voices. It was anxiety-induced, certainly triggered by overstimulation. It lasted for at least 20 minutes. I was terrified. Like I felt actual terror. A sheer, primal panic that I don't know how to describe well with words. I was beyond paranoid. I genuinely was fearing for my life because I couldn't run away from the voices. Nothing helped. No coping mechanisms, no grounding techniques. It finally subsided when I felt safe in my car.

If this were to happen in a plane, I could fucking die. No, I'm certain I would. I definitely don't want to die in a light sport airplane by myself, but I doubly don't want to do that if I'm at a level where I can carry passengers.

This is not something I feel comfortable lying about. I don't even know if it'll happen again. I don't know how to control it. These two things are very scary.

I have some next steps with how to handle this particular situation, but that means, until I get some answers, I don't want to get in a plane at all, even though my instructor would be with me.